Contains spoilers, characters are introduced in order of appearance:
Camelot Leon son of Gurkha Basma and Grizelda Florfina Also known as King Camello
The only surviving member of the Basma crime family. His name is pronounced Kam-Eh-Yoh. Click on the arrow for spoilers.
Was expelled from the Soviet Army after saving the world from alien invasion as a conscript. The extremely popular governor of the village of Nicotash. Murdered by his lover, Lucky. Cousin of his adoptive sister, Marlborina. A metalhead biker jock who works for the Moskovskaya Brotherhood Mob. Lead guitarist of Kalorat. A professional smuggler with government contacts, weightlifter, Led Zeppelin fan, recovered alcoholic turned pothead and a musician.
- Ethnicity: Ruska (Xaladitka) Romani and Calo Gitano
- Legal Name: Kameron Gadzedilovich Kori
- Religion: Christian Who Rejects Organized Religion, but is ideologically aligned with the pro-queer philosophies of King James
- Date of Birth: August 5, 1963
- Likes: Chocolate and marijuana brownies, toking up, riding his Harley, weapons geekery, money in the form of gems or gold, heavy metal that doesn't suck.
- Dislikes: Being an alcoholic, people telling him what to do, not getting paid in full in a timely fashion, the fact that he falls in love with chicks but can never get through loving the chicks, making mistakes.
- Political Affiliation: Capitalist
- Sign: Leo
- Sexuality: Presumably butch gay. Has experimented with exophilia because that's less illegal than homosexuality in Soviet Russia.
- Eye Color: Brown
- Hair Color: Blond
- Height: 5'10"
Mikhail Mihailevich MikhailevCovertly he’s a xenolinguist expert for the KGB, but for the most part, he’s a well-connected diplomatic linguistics expert for the Communist Party. Camello’s best friend and chief partner-in-crime. A polyglot who doesn’t make enough money in his job due to government pay cuts. To make up for this financial deficit, Mikhail also works as the boss of the Moskovskaya Brotherhood. This organized crime group is hated by the Thieves-In-Law for its complete disregard of Russian criminal tradition. Its government ties, plus its use of cheap-Romani labor, and underpaid KGB and Russian Military operatives to run a paramilitary operation at an incredibly low-cost, are also a major bone of contention.
- Ethnicity: Russian
- Religion: Atheist
- Political Affiliation: Communist
- Date of Birth: Unknown, but about ten years older than Camello
- Sign: Unknown
- Sexuality: Straight
- Eye Color: Blue
- Hair Color: Honey
- Height: 5'9"
Bahktale the disputed son of Tenorio Vasquez and Maria Drina Also known as: Lucky
A womanizing rake who makes a rather unpleasant discovery about himself. Born in Catalonia, Lucky is an irrigation systems inspector turned Communist Party apparatchik. Click on the arrow for spoilers.
He is known as the Marquis of the Nicotash people. Ex-husband of Marlborina. Murderer of his lover, Camello Basma. Was kicked out of training for the KGB for gross incompetence -- or, was he?
- Ethnicity: Self-Identifies as Spanish or Calo Romani
- Legal Name: Strikes Tenoriovich Vasquez (in Russia)
- Legal Name: Fortunyo Strikes Vasquez y Ferrer (in Spain)
- Religion: Roman Catholic
- Political Affiliation: Communist on paper, but actually a Spanish Catholic Falangist
- Date of Birth: November 21st, 1951
- Sign: Scorpio-Sagittarius Cusp (Holy Shit!)
- Sexuality: Gay, but does form deep emotional bonds this women and is able to perform sexually with them. Emphasis on the performance.
Hielope The Aquarian
The only thing certain about Hielope is that she resides inside Sasha's head, although Lucky has dreamed about her. Presumably, she can be conscience, sort of. Hielope typically looks like a woman, a pretty mermaid with a mermaid's tail and tentacles. She can also be a slimy tentacled demon depending on what function it is performing, and can shapeshift into any form at will.
- Primary Function: Unknown
- Type of Being: Rusalka (water succubus,) and possibly a lesser god.
- Date of Birth: The day an unbaptized pregnant woman committed suicide.
- Element: Water
- Sexuality: Fluid, but only mates with human males in her femenine forms.
- Eye Color: Metamorphic
- Hair Color: Usually Blue-Green, But Metamorphic
- Height: 20'